Humane EDUCATION: I’ll Always Love You, Helping Kids With the Loss of a Companion
by Debbie Duel - Director of Humane Education

NEWS FROM THE WASHINGTON HUMANE SOCIETY
The SCOOP - Vol 20 NO. 2 - SPRING 2002

Dave, our 14-year-old WHS alum, died November 30, 2001. Before school that morning, my 8-year-old daughter, Natalie, and I talked about what was going to happen. Did she want to tell Dave good-bye then, or be with him later in the day when his suffering ended? Naturally, she was worried and scared, but with little hesitation she decided to be with Dave. After all, Dave was the cat Natalie dressed up like a princess when she was three-years-old. He shared her pillow and often slept on top of her head. Dave was the cat who tried to steal french fries from her plate and he was the cat who was scared to death of children before he became "Natalie’s cat."

Over the years I’ve had to deal with the deaths of other animal companions; our old dog Ruth, died when Natalie was only two months old, and my beloved SamMelvin, who was over 20 years old, died before Natalie was three. Of course, those deaths were hard, but Dave’s death was more complicated; not only was I dealing with my own loss, but Natalie and her four-year-old brother, Max, were grieving, too. As we talked about Dave and our feelings Natalie told me that she understood why I was crying uncontrollably as we said our final good-byes to Dave, but even so tears had scared er.

Though he isn't Dave, Bruce possess many Dave-like characteristics including posing for pictures.

On the way home from school, Natalie showed me a list she had made of all of Dave’s wonderful traits, similar to the protagonist did in Judith Viorst’s picture book on the subject of pet loss, The Tenth Good Thing About Barney. Natalie wrote, "1.Protects Fi (our shy cat), 3. Keeps me warm, 5. Likes my room and loves me. 10. He has a place in his heart for everyone." Natalie also wrote, "He was the owner of Natalie, Ray, Debbie and Max." Natalie told me that she had a pictures of flowers for Dave; a friend had drawn it. As soon as we walked in the front door, Natalie was with Dave. She crawled into his newly found hiding spot and sat down next to him. Gently stroking him, Natalie talked softly to Dave, telling him how much she loved him. He didn’t budge.
An hour after Dave died, I asked Natalie what she wanted to do. She suggested visiting the animal shelter, not because she wanted to look for another cat, but because she wanted to see where Dave had come from so long ago. She wanted to lay with the young, healthy cats – the ones waiting for loving, permanent homes like the one we gave to Dave. Hanging out in the cat room wasn’t my choice activity, but I obliged and admitted later that it was a good visit. Natalie, Max, and I laughed at the antics of friskier cats and enjoyed petting he mellower ones of the group.
On the way to the shelter Natalie reread two books that I’d read to her many times, I’ll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm and Mustard by Charlotte Graeber. She found comfort in both books. I’ll Always Love You is a simple picture book whose young narrator grieves for "Elfie, the best dog in the world," but also is comforted by wonderful memories. I have recommended this book to parents and teachers since it was published in 1985. I’ve lent it to friends whose dogs have died, and I’ve read it to Natalie time and time again just because it is a sweet book for all animal lovers, no matter their age. In Mustard eight-year-old Alex describes his cat as "the most wonderful cat in the world, a cat with dignity and humor and the loudest, best purr ever." Mustard and Alex’s story is a lot like Dave and Natalie’s: like Dave, Mustard had a heart ailment and the family is forced to make a decision once it is determined that Mustard is not going to get better. Mustard is, unfortunately, out of print, but should be available through libraries for 6-9 year olds.

I’ve always liked using these books in the classroom because the main characters are boys, who love deeply and endure painful losses. My son, Max, liked I’ll Always Love You, too, but the night Dave died he wanted to hear, Desser the Best Ever Cat. I bought the book for Max over the summer; not in anticipation of Dave’s death, but because it was a wonderful new picture book (Maggie Smith, 2001) that beautifully chronicles the life of Desser and his special relationship with the little girl narrator. She tells how Desser came to live with her dad, "A long, long time ago, when my daddy had big hair, a teeny tiny kitten came to his door one day." Natalie and Max’s dad had big hair once upon a time, too, when Dave first moved in before either child was born. Several times right after Dave died, Max asked to hear Desser.

Some time has passed since Dave’s death. Natalie has made an album of Dave photos and Max no longer says "I miss Dave" every day. The ending of Desser the Best Ever Cat is kind of where our family is at these days. "A month after Desser died, we went to the shelter [pound]. Dad said Desser would want us to get a new kitten because we are ‘cat people,’ especially me... I think Ginger is extra-special, and I’m sure Desser would agree. I show her his picture and tell her stories about him. So she’ll know about Desser, the Best Ever Cat."

We’ve started our search for the right cat for our family. Natalie came up with 19 great boy names. On a recent trip to the D.C. Animal shelter, Natalie became smitten with one cat and liked another. Max doesn’t really care which cat comes to live with us, but he did find a dog at the shelter that he said was destined to be his dog: the dog’s name was Max. Happily, Max the dog was being adopted by another family , and both cats who pulled at Natalie’s heartstrings were headed for home. And, both Natalie and Max know that before too long, they will be telling the cat who comes to live with us how much they love him.